...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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