is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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