just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
