I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
