They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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