I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
