no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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