I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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