That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
