I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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