The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
