fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
