Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
