ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
