He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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