i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
