we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
