Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
