you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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