Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There r osticjed everywhere
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
