They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
