Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
