Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
