Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
