I feel great
I just peed on a car
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
