Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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