I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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