I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
In America we eat man semen.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
