Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
