If that was your dad, he is hot
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.