So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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