lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher