...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.