what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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