either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
