Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
