we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
