I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
