Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
