no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
