I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
