you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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