I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
