Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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