just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
