How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
