Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
