I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
