it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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