First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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