These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize