new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
