I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
