3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
