Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
