If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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