M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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