You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
