He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
