He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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