Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
