Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
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no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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