Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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