Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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