Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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