dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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