I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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